Victoria's Secret Runway Weirdness

The good. the bad. the bizarre.

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2009 Star Trooper
Black Eyed Peas- Boom Boom Pow

I think a lot of the weirdness of this year can be understood through this video. I think someone—and I’m not naming names but personally I blame Ed Razek—raised his hand in a meeting one day and said ‘what do the kids these days like?’ and that’s why the front of house is a rave, that’s why there was the audience participation model contest, that’s why the Black Eyed Peas, Jesus Christ what are they doing here.

I do not believe in the Black Eyed Peas as a live act. So much of their later sound (and this song especially) relied on vocal distortion and effects that cannot be done here. Like, oh my god, this actually is terrible. 

It’s not will.i.am’s fault, he was fine in 2007. It’s not Fergie’s fault, she carries her solo (2:09) pretty well. It’s not the band’s fault, they were acceptable in their performance segment later in the show. They’re trying their best out there but it’s just not working out; it’s the fault of whoever picked this song and set the tone for the rest of the program.

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2013
PINK Network

Jessica Hart

Pardon my french, but c’est quoi ce bordel? For starters: How dare you put such a cute bra on such a confusing look. Second: WHAT IS THE GLITTERY TIGER-STRIPE HALF BODYSUIT THING. WHAT IS IT.

It looks like someone took a sheer jazzercise outfit from the 80s, added purple and orange stripes, paired it with a super-cute glittery backpack and a baseball cap with a giant fluffball and said “Yes. This is fashion.”

How does it work with the theme? Nothing here suggests social media. There are no hashtags, acronyms or emojis (does the balloon count? I don’t think the balloon counts).

*sigh* I miss Todd.

Filed under 2013 vsfs jessica hart victoria's secret victoria's secret fashion show pink network

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2013
Birds of Paradise

Maria Borges

For starters, this wouldn’t have looked nearly as good on a lighter-skinned model. The bright orange would have washed her out. On Maria it just looks fab.

And you know, big green vegetable-looking wings probably would not have been my first choice, but it comes together with the whole thing pretty well, doesn’t it? And the blue edge on the top of the corset sets off the orange bra wonderfully. Round of applause for the designers on this one. A nice eye-catching look to round out the segment.

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Surprise, bitch! I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.

Don’t mind me barging onto your dashboards but autumn has arrived and it’s time to revive this withered old husk of a blog. New posts, new outfits, once a day so we can finish up in time for this year’s show, music posts on the weekends. Hopefully with some more energy and investment on my part!

What’s new here? Not much, except I’m considering adding a sidebar poll for who’ll get the Fantasy Bra this year. My money’s on Behati, she’s been in a lot of their promo material recently (and she married Adam Levine and honestly I do not know who I’m more jealous of). But Doutzen just had a baby and they like to give the bra to recent mothers, so who knows?

I was in London for a few months earlier this year and stumbled across the UK flagship store on New Bond Street completely by accident, where they have several VSFS outfits on display in the windows.

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The picture’s not that clear, but on the far left is Alessandra’s Parisian Nights ensemble, and I think Jourdan Dunn’s from the same segment is next to it. In the far window are Behati’s and Kasia’s British Invasion outfits, I think, with Adriana’s off to the side there (only the wings are visible).

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There were more around the corner but I didn’t take a lot of pictures because I did not want to look like a total creeper. Here’s a shocker: Ieva Laguna’s PINK outfit from 2013 looked just as ridiculous up close! Oh, but that’s a post for another day (Thursday).

ALSO, I was in London when they announced the location of this year’s show but I did not go to the event because I didn’t know about it until after the fact, curse my own incompetence.

So that’s what’s new in my world—how about yours? Was the summer good to you? Are you excited for Lingerie Christmas on December 2? Let’s get the gossip rolling: who will open the show? Who will have a fluff segment dedicated to their career? Who will make an embarrassing runway mishap that will be aired in 192 countries? And of course, who gets to smother their boobs in gemstones and glitter until the rest of us want to cry from how shiny it all is? (I’m talking, of course, about the fantasy bra.)

Put on your best matching bra and panties set and settle yourselves in for the ride!

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2013
Birds of Paradise

Magdalena Frackowiak

Some models are known for their limbs, some for their cleavage. Some models are known for their strut. Magdalena Frackowiak, to me at least, is known for her bitchface. Look at that. Fucking majestic.

I like the colors, I like the feathers, I even like that burgundy bustle. (I like a bustle. Strap yourselves in, this segment was a wild ride.)

I do not understand the yellow straps on her shoulders. They are connected to nothing; they provide no support for anything. They match the bra, yes, but the bra is a shade off from the bodice and gets away with it because of the black lace, while the straps have no such disguise.

But what are two shoulder straps in the grand scheme of a feathered corset with bustle? Fabulous model, fabulous outfit.

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Anonymous asked: you are finally back!!

yes! I’m sorry for neglecting the blog as long as I have!

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Anonymous asked: Whats your opnion on Alessandra?

She’s gorgeous and amazing and all things wonderful?

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2013
Birds of Paradise

Hilary Rhoda

Look at her hands look at her fucking hands. Oh my god. Is she okay? Does she need help? They look normal in all the backstage photos so I can only assume this outfit is severely messing with her circulation. Not good. Bad VSFS, no cookies for you.

Other than that, I mean, it’s pretty strange? Why are her shoulders shooting out feathers? Why is there absolutely nothing else to the costume except for the heavily-feathered sleeves? I’m confused.

Filed under 2013 vsfs hilary rhoda victoria's secret victoria's secret fashion show birds of paradise